You see I had a friend when I was a senior and she was a junior in 2005. I had heard rumors about her in school but I chose to ignore them. I would meet her and then decide if the rumors had merit (and they kind of did.) We became good friends (or what I thought) and soon became inseparable. My other 'friends' started to get annoyed with me. That was ok though, because they weren't really my friends at all. Em (name changed) and I would do tons of things together. Movie night, shopping at the mall, talking about boys, life, whatever. We went through a lot. Her family called us lesbians. I am not a lesbian and I have NO problem with gays and lesbians. I didn't understand why. I mean we were only friends and I had a boyfriend *who is now my fiance*. She was going through a rough time (or at least that's what she told me) and I was trying to be the good friend and help her. Well the thing was she betrayed me. She was dating a guy at the time who she hated and I would hear patiently has she complained about him. It was the same story over and over again. But I kept my mouth closed. Not once did I tell her secrets to the world.
But she told mine to everyone. That boy she was dating was in my circle of friends and when we began to fight she took it public. You see, I told her she was treating me like a horrible friend and that I didn't like how she would hurt me. Instead of growing up she decided to fight. I would try to talk to her to her face but she kept taking our fight on line to Myspace, or Facebook, and even Gmail. When I'd call she'd txt me back. Never could we talk in person like I wanted to. I still have the old Facebook messages.
I didn't talk to her for a year. I watched and heard what she said about me to the people I knew and was friends with first. I heard what she'd say about me and it hurt. I wouldn't say anything back. I took the lonely high road. This was someone I trusted! She was like a sister to me. I still hurt now, I didn't even do anything wrong. She later confesses that I was right all along - she was being a selfish friend. I didn't want to fight. I just wanted her to see how she was hurting me. After the year had passed I decided to amend fences. I had gotten over her past transgressions. I didn't really care anymore. So we started to talk again - and it felt like the good ol' days but this time I wasn't as naive. She lives in New York state and I live in New Hampshire state. We both went to school together in Virginia. We'd talk about how our lives had changed since we fist meet in September 2005. My fiance and I drove the 5 hrs to visit her in New York State. It was November 2008 and we were in the talks of her coming to visit us in the spring of 09.
I still remember the night before we left, my fiance and I went for a walk. Em had some house quests over (even though we were her house guests) and we wanted to give them some privacy. I told Vince that I felt like Em was holding out on me. She has never really let me in. She mention sometimes how she was having trouble with her fiance and I'd try to help out the best I could. I've always felt that she wishes for what I have. I meet Vince online in 2005 and we've been best friends ever since. As cliched as this sounds - we are soul mates. Em has wanted what I have even if she can't admit it. The months passed by and we'd call and txt every now and then. But suddenly she stopped calling me. She stopped txting me too. It was now April of 09 and I would call her and wait for the call back. It never came. As silly as this sounds - on her Myspace I was her #2 out of 100. One day when I looked I wasn't even there. So this is how she wants to end our "friendship." I called and txted even called her 'fiance' and asked what did I do wrong and could she please just call me back?! I remember saying "You don't even have to talk to me - just send me a letter or a text! Tell me what I did wrong!" But did I do something wrong? To my knowledge the only thing I find to be annoying was how much I hated work and would vent to her. But I'd make sure to ask her about her, and be genuine. She never said she had a problem when we were talking. I just don't know - and that's what bothers me the most. I could care less that she no longer likes me. I just want to know why.
And the other night (August 1, 2009) I got a text from her saying
"I hope everything is going well 4 u. Love you moogie"
What do I say to that? I txted her back asking her to call me on her free time. I just want to talk to her. I won't ask why she's done this to me. I called her today. Do you think she's returned my calls or text message? No. I stand in the dark hurt again. I'm not mad, I am just wounded and hurt. She was my friend and I forgave her - and she hurt me again. Why?
So if you are reading this - thanks I guess. Maybe you can offer me some advice? Vince and I think she was drunk when she texted me. She's become a hard core drinker something I don't wish for her. I don't know - but I do know I hurt inside. She was a friend - someone I liked talking to. And now she's done this. Thanks for reading. That's all.
She sounds like maybe she's got some bipolar issues or something. People who are bipolar, like me, often go through these swings of socialness and social escape. I don't of course know her well enough to say. On the other hand, if this is how she's been for the last couple years, I would get away if I were you. It's not worth being in this situation. It's not worth hurting over and over like that.
ReplyDeleteI once had three good friends in college - my roommate, my fiance, and a third friend. We were all very close, until my fiance decided to start cheating on me with the roommate. She called it off before it got too far, and she apologized to me, but the damage was done. I forgave them and was determined to be friends with them both, but Chris and I broke up. I went to france that summer and kept in contact with the roommate through email, and through that I met Jason, who I ended up marrying 7 months later. I didn't expect to get into a relationship when I first met Jason, and when I did, the roommate was pissed. Apparently she'd been in love with him for 4 years even though she'd never told him and he didn't feel the same for her, and when we started dating me, she never forgave me (ironic, eh?). Everything started to unravel, and by that time the 5 of us were all living in the same apartment. Chris and I had a huge fight and he moved out because he'd failed out of school and couldn't get financial aid. I got married to Jason, the 5th girl moved out because the tension was too bad, and we were left with the ex-roommate, Jason, and me. Eventually we all left, but what really hurt the most about all of it was that 5th girl. She once sat me down and said that she was determined to stay friends with everyone, and that I could count on her. The next day, she told the others to tell me she never wanted to speak to me again. The entire situation was outside of her, and I hadn't seen her at all after she told me that. It made no sense. The roommate and Chris, I understand those friendships going into the toilet, though I think it was a little unfair given I forgave them. But the 5th girl - I'd done nothing. I still to this day have no idea what happened. That makes me sad. But if she ever came back, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. I'd be polite and forgive her, but I"d never let her get close.
Wow. I think the silver lining in your story was you meeting Jason :) There is no silver lining in my story with Em. Vince tells me to forget about her but I'm an inquisitive person and I just want an answer. And it's hard because I know I'll never get an answer. Em sounds like the 5th girl. And I guess if I were to see Em today I'd be like you - polite and forgiving but that would be all. Thanks Amanda :)
ReplyDeleteI think Vince is right. If she's been like this for a couple of years then you should probably think of her as an acquaintance or something. Congrats on finding a soulmate to get you through it :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sara! I think I just need to let go on her being a friend at all and its hard. I keep thinking that she'll grow up (and I know she wont!) Yeah Vince is a really good friend! :)
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like it is her issue, that it would have happened with any of her friends who had achieved something she couldn't. I had a bit of the same thing with a high school friend, and it was rough. Looking back I just think, "Buh-bye!" What a waste of time and an emotional drain.
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