A Dance in Honor

BAH!! I've had to listen to this song like 2395809458 times! I still can't think of anything - and again - I fear I'll be writing about death/memories. I promise you I think of other things besides that - I've been writing other things besides that!! I don't know why. I had a really rough week last week. So maybe that's influencing my writing??? Hmmmm . . . we shall see. . .

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It's weird to think that my mother will never walk through our front door - or come watch me at my dance recitals again. I keep thinking she will, even though I know that she won't. Dad took it pretty hard - and he hasn't been the same since we got the news. He tries to pretend for "us kids" but you can tell that the smile doesn't quite touch his eyes or when you look into his eyes, you can see the pain lurking just behind - waiting to completely claim him at night. The night we found out will stay vivid in my mind.

Mom had been away at a business trip and was coming home that night. Dad ordered pizza to celebrate and we watched a movie too! It was midnight when the movie finished and Jake and I had just gotten into bed when there was a knock at the door. Dad went to go answer it and since Jake and I are inquisitive kids we snuck down and looked. We saw to cops at the door and they looked uncomfortable talking to dad. I tried to think if I had done anything wrong - I had just gotten my license and as far as I knew I'd been obeying the law. Suddenly dad started crying. We've never seen him cry - not even when he broke his foot. The cops said goodbye and dad closed the door and stared at it for some time.

He looked to the stairs and saw us standing there. He motioned us to come forward and told us. Jake instantly started crying for mom, but I couldn't. It was like everything inside me froze. I felt empty. How could mom not come home? That didn't make sense. That morning on the phone we were talking about my dance recital the following week! She was supposed to come! She has too! This can't be right - it's some mean prank that the cops or someone is playing on us. It has to be. But then why would dad by crying and not laughing?

That night was hard to sleep. I kept hearing dad crying and Jake too - but still I couldn't cry? Did that mean I didn't love her? Does that mean I'm a bad daughter? Or was I still in shock? Isn't that what psychologist would've said? I looked at my night table where a picture of mom and I at the park that summer and finally cried myself to sleep.

The week pasted so slowly and painfully. Everyone kept saying how sorry they were for us - I wish they wouldn't. I wish they'd keep their mouths shut and just stayed away. I know they're trying to be helpful - but hearing it over and over and over again - it is just too painful! When we went to the funeral late Wednesday night dad, Jake and I had to stand and shake everyone's hand. I hated that place. It was too cold and it was too sweet from all the flowers. The faces blurred and names became forgotten. People I had never meet came up to me shaking my hand saying how sorry they were for me, but I wanted to be left alone. No one had left us alone to heal. People kept calling us or visiting - afraid of how "us kids" would take it. I looked at Jake and he seemed to think the same thing I did. When everyone left we finally got to be alone with mom. We each said our goodbyes and how much we loved her. I told her of my recital on Friday and how the dance would be for her, how I loved her, and how I'd someday see her once again.

When Friday night rolled around I was nervous. One of the dance teachers pulled me aside and said someone wanted to wish me luck. She pointed the direction off stage - where parents and kids meet before the performances and thought that that was strange. My dad was going to be a little late because Jake was just finishing up his baseball game, and no one else was going to come. I walked a little further down the hallway and saw mom. I must have been hallucinating . . . right? She walked over to me and gave me a kiss and a hug and told me how happy and proud she was of me. She told me she'd always watch my performances and that she'd always be with us. Someone called my name and I turned to look - and when I turned back to face mom she wasn't there.

It was my turn to dance. When I walked on stage I looked for dad and Jake and saw them. I felt a kiss on my cheek and knew it was mom. I cued the guy and the music started. I danced in honor of mom and it was the best dance recital I've had yet.

I don't know what to call this piece so this is the title?

It's that time of week again!! INK NOTETS!! *woot woot*

So we have another wonderful pice of music that I've never heard but instantly like. I must say though that French rap doesn't sound so bad ass to me. French is a romantic language - I mean they could be rapping about drugs and like killing or something but I'd never know. I think they were talking about Charlemagne and a fight. I've taken Spanish for so many years and I heard the word pelear - which means to fight in Spanish. I also heard the word "Charlemagne" but I could've been mistake. Alrighty then to the story and away!!

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Growing up hadn't always been easy for Maddie. As she walked down the city street she saw a couple fighting and that shoved her back into her dark and painful past.

Instantly she was back in the dark bedroom - but this time she was watching herself at age 6. She followed her young eyes to the door which was cracked to let in the light from the hallway. Her parents shouts grew louder. She caught only a few words - but she clearly understood their meaning. Hate and Anger coated every word that her parents spoke. She cowered in that dark room. Afraid. Sad. They were fighting about her - she knew it - they hated how they had to stay together because of her. It was all her fault. She was to blame. The light seemed to mock her in the darkness. Maddie watched as her at age 6 crawled out of bed and threw open the door. Her parents froze for one second staring at her, and then picked right back up again. She threw open her arms trying to separate them.

"STOP!" she yelled. "Daddy, mommy please stop fighting!!" It was no use. These two had hated each other more than they cared for their little daughter.

Maddie resurfaced. She knew that the fights had never been about her and Ian. Her parents were unhappy people. She continued walking and passed an arguing couple. She looked down and saw their little son looking up at his parents. His eyes meet hers and for one brief second Maddie saw the horror and sorrow in his eyes. She felt his pain, but it was not her place to interject.

As Maddie continued down the street she saw how awful it truly was. Garbage, broken bottle, glass shards, empty cans littered the street. The overflowing dumpsers and added to the stench in the air. Graffiti was the prominent art in this neighborhood. She saw little kids playing tag in the street and was briefly cheered. Life couldn't be that bad could it? Surely some people grew up with a strong loving family. But before that happiness became permanent, shouts from one of the homes brought back a memory.

Her parents are fighting again. They're bickering in the kitchen over who has to pay what bill, or who should pay for new shoes for Ian, Maddie's little brother. She somehow knows that she and her younger brother have become pawns in their parents' battle. She hates herself. She is the cause of this. She is 7 now and the fights still continue. If she runs away will they be happy? Her parent's become more angered. Arms are quickly moving in anger, their voices are growing in intensity. Maddie and Ian are frozen to the spot - their pain is apparent on their faces. If only the parents would stop and look.

Maddie shakes off that memory and walks further down the road. When she reaches the end she takes a right and heads toward the park. She hears shouts of her name and quickens her pace. She sees her husband and her daughter playing tag and she smiles. Yes she thinks, there are families out there that truly love each other.

The Smile

I wrote this for the Ink Note challenge on Amanda's blog. The song was Damien Rice - I remember.

The sun sets as she walks home. It was a perfect day; not a cloud in sight. The day went by so fast she can only recall that finally she got to see him and how happy she is . As she walks past the place they had their first kiss she looks down to her wrist where the bracelet lays. She grabs the little heart being held by the chain. On the heart are their initials : V + M

A small smile begins on her face. "Yes" she thinks "today was a good day".

The day had began as they normally do - with the big fire ball in the sky rising and pushing darkness back. As she slowly opens her eyes it hits her that today she finally gets to see him. Before today they days had crept along so slowly, like they knew she was waiting for today. It had been months since she last saw him. She looks at the clock - it's 9 am. He won't arrive for another 3 hours. Hmm what to do till then?

She gets out of bed still tired and walks to the bathroom. She looks at herself in the mirror and thinks "Ugh. shower. makeup. Yes that should do." She's nervous about their meet. She still wonders if he'll think she's pretty? Will he still like me?

Finally the time arrives. A knock on the door. Could that be him? She nervously checks herself in the mirror and slowly walks to the door. Her thoughts and fears swirl around her mind. She pushes them aside. Nothing will ruin this moment. She opens it and, it's him. He still looks as handsome as ever. His dark curly hair is more unruly than ever, he has a slight 5 o'clock shadow, but there are those kissable lips, and when she looks in his eyes she sees it. He still loves her. They smile.

He grabs her - hugs her so tightly and whispers "finally" into her ear. They run to the car and hop in. They begin to drive with the wind whipping at their hair and urging them to go faster. The town become a blur as she drives faster and faster, and then the sea coast is there. She finds a parking spot and they jump out of the car. They race each other to the water. The waves are crashing into the beach - it looks like they are excited for them.

He grabs her hand and they walk. They are in their own world - nothing can interrupt, nothing can invade, their world. They begin to run on the beach. As they run the sand is kicked up and as it falls back down it stings. The wind whips their hair into a frenzy and stings their eyes. Faster and faster they run. They push themselves to run faster still. Their lungs begin to scream for more oxygen, their heart begs for them to stop so it can catch up but still they run. Finally the rocks come into view. The rocks create a barrier for the beach and sea. They run to the rocks and begin to climb. Then they reach the spot where everything comes together: air, water, land. He looks into her eyes and says "finally".