I cautiously opened the door hoping that it wouldn't creak. No one had been in Mary's room since her death. It was odd to be back here in this house. It held too many memories both warm and comforting as well as painful and with a bite. Mary had gone out with a bang, just like she said she would. Silly old woman. I opened to the door all the way was was scared to death at what I saw.

Well to say I was scared to death is a lie. You see it didn't scare me to die, but it scared me to a statue. There was Mary sitting on her bed like nothing happened. "It's about time you came Anna. You're late." she told me. I didn't know what to do. I was still frozen to the spot. I hadn't blinked or moved, or closed my mouth. Bad manners I know but it fell open in shock! "Close your mouth dear and get a move on will ya? I don't have much time. I don't bite - I'm not a vampire like in that stupid book you keep reading." Yup. That was Mary alright, but she should be dead. I un-froze myself and walked to her. "You should be dead! Are you a ghost?" I whispered. Then I quickly blushed and cast my eyes down to the floor. I was being rude. "Sorry" I mumbled. Mary barked out a laugh. "No Anna. I'm not a ghost and yes I'm still very much dead. I don't have time to explain only time to tell you that I'm sorry I didn't tell you more but I didn't think my number would be pulled. When this conversation is over go to my dresser draws pull on the side paneling and you'll find a wad of cash. Take it home with you pack your things and buy a train ticked to Montana."

"Why? You're not making any sense. This has to be a joke! Ok Matt! Come out, great computer graphics" I said. She looked at me and I could tell that she wasn't laughing and was completely serious. "Anna" she barked "listen. I don't have much time. But you have to go to Montana and look for a woman named Pam Moorely - she'll tell you everything. Hurry. You don't have time. I love you. Good Luck!" And with that she faded into thin air. I briefly thought that magicians everywhere would be killing to know her secret. Then I snapped out of it, and did was she had instructed me to do. I knew her and when she said to do it, she meant it. Whoever this Pam Moorely was she better explain everything to me! With one last look around Mary's room I shut the door for the last time. I quickly excited the house, and turned around in time to see two strangers run into the house with guns drawn. I didn't hang around to see who or what they were looking for. I got the feeling that they were not nice.

Escape

The snow had just started to fall, tiny little flakes lazily drifting down from the heavens. The day was coming close to an end as I continued walking up the hill. The once bearable air got colder - stealing what little heat I had left. It was quite, like the quite where the woods' hold its breathe. I kept looking over my shoulder expecting to see something, anything and all I saw was the snow. It started to stick to the tall grass besides the path, and on the ground. The trees began to get that white frosting on it's branches. I lifted my fingers and felt the tiny snow pile upon my head. This use to bring a smile upon my lips, but it only left my feeling empty and sad. It mad my heart wrench at the thought of never being in a snowball fight again with my brother, or talking about the snow covered landscape with my mother.

Off in the distance a bird cawed. The snow began to pick up, and also became a little thicker. I could not stop and get lost in the snow's hypnotic fall, I had to keep going, mom told me not to stop and think but to just keep walking. The air was so cold that to breathe hurt. It was seeping into every pore on my body: my toes, my fingers, my nose, my ears were all starting to feel the wrath of winter. Off in the distance I heard noises. I had to keep going, I no longer had a choice.

As I walked toward the crest in the hill, the noises got louder. I could now tell that there were men, horses, and a few dogs over the rise. What were so many men and animals doing out in the middle of the woods? Then it dawned on me - it had to be an army of some sort! I had to find out, if they were good or bad. If they were our army I might be able to get some food and warm clothes - but if they were bad? . . . I dared not to think what would happen. I began to watch my ever foot step making sure that I was so quite I would not even wake a mouse. When I could finally see the camp, my fears became true for it was the invading army.

My town had been attacked two nights prior by the Halation army. My family didn't make it, my mom helped me escape the women's slave prison and I've been alone ever since. I don't know if anyone from my town made it - I pray they did. Or if they didn't, I pray that their agony was swift and that they were set free from the pain. I began my descent back down the mountain looking for a place to spend the night. I had to find a way around the army - for to be caught would be worse then death - especially for a woman like me.

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I've been listening to the Gladiator sound track. That is my all time favorite movie!! I wonder if you can tell?

A Dance in Honor

BAH!! I've had to listen to this song like 2395809458 times! I still can't think of anything - and again - I fear I'll be writing about death/memories. I promise you I think of other things besides that - I've been writing other things besides that!! I don't know why. I had a really rough week last week. So maybe that's influencing my writing??? Hmmmm . . . we shall see. . .

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It's weird to think that my mother will never walk through our front door - or come watch me at my dance recitals again. I keep thinking she will, even though I know that she won't. Dad took it pretty hard - and he hasn't been the same since we got the news. He tries to pretend for "us kids" but you can tell that the smile doesn't quite touch his eyes or when you look into his eyes, you can see the pain lurking just behind - waiting to completely claim him at night. The night we found out will stay vivid in my mind.

Mom had been away at a business trip and was coming home that night. Dad ordered pizza to celebrate and we watched a movie too! It was midnight when the movie finished and Jake and I had just gotten into bed when there was a knock at the door. Dad went to go answer it and since Jake and I are inquisitive kids we snuck down and looked. We saw to cops at the door and they looked uncomfortable talking to dad. I tried to think if I had done anything wrong - I had just gotten my license and as far as I knew I'd been obeying the law. Suddenly dad started crying. We've never seen him cry - not even when he broke his foot. The cops said goodbye and dad closed the door and stared at it for some time.

He looked to the stairs and saw us standing there. He motioned us to come forward and told us. Jake instantly started crying for mom, but I couldn't. It was like everything inside me froze. I felt empty. How could mom not come home? That didn't make sense. That morning on the phone we were talking about my dance recital the following week! She was supposed to come! She has too! This can't be right - it's some mean prank that the cops or someone is playing on us. It has to be. But then why would dad by crying and not laughing?

That night was hard to sleep. I kept hearing dad crying and Jake too - but still I couldn't cry? Did that mean I didn't love her? Does that mean I'm a bad daughter? Or was I still in shock? Isn't that what psychologist would've said? I looked at my night table where a picture of mom and I at the park that summer and finally cried myself to sleep.

The week pasted so slowly and painfully. Everyone kept saying how sorry they were for us - I wish they wouldn't. I wish they'd keep their mouths shut and just stayed away. I know they're trying to be helpful - but hearing it over and over and over again - it is just too painful! When we went to the funeral late Wednesday night dad, Jake and I had to stand and shake everyone's hand. I hated that place. It was too cold and it was too sweet from all the flowers. The faces blurred and names became forgotten. People I had never meet came up to me shaking my hand saying how sorry they were for me, but I wanted to be left alone. No one had left us alone to heal. People kept calling us or visiting - afraid of how "us kids" would take it. I looked at Jake and he seemed to think the same thing I did. When everyone left we finally got to be alone with mom. We each said our goodbyes and how much we loved her. I told her of my recital on Friday and how the dance would be for her, how I loved her, and how I'd someday see her once again.

When Friday night rolled around I was nervous. One of the dance teachers pulled me aside and said someone wanted to wish me luck. She pointed the direction off stage - where parents and kids meet before the performances and thought that that was strange. My dad was going to be a little late because Jake was just finishing up his baseball game, and no one else was going to come. I walked a little further down the hallway and saw mom. I must have been hallucinating . . . right? She walked over to me and gave me a kiss and a hug and told me how happy and proud she was of me. She told me she'd always watch my performances and that she'd always be with us. Someone called my name and I turned to look - and when I turned back to face mom she wasn't there.

It was my turn to dance. When I walked on stage I looked for dad and Jake and saw them. I felt a kiss on my cheek and knew it was mom. I cued the guy and the music started. I danced in honor of mom and it was the best dance recital I've had yet.

I don't know what to call this piece so this is the title?

It's that time of week again!! INK NOTETS!! *woot woot*

So we have another wonderful pice of music that I've never heard but instantly like. I must say though that French rap doesn't sound so bad ass to me. French is a romantic language - I mean they could be rapping about drugs and like killing or something but I'd never know. I think they were talking about Charlemagne and a fight. I've taken Spanish for so many years and I heard the word pelear - which means to fight in Spanish. I also heard the word "Charlemagne" but I could've been mistake. Alrighty then to the story and away!!

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Growing up hadn't always been easy for Maddie. As she walked down the city street she saw a couple fighting and that shoved her back into her dark and painful past.

Instantly she was back in the dark bedroom - but this time she was watching herself at age 6. She followed her young eyes to the door which was cracked to let in the light from the hallway. Her parents shouts grew louder. She caught only a few words - but she clearly understood their meaning. Hate and Anger coated every word that her parents spoke. She cowered in that dark room. Afraid. Sad. They were fighting about her - she knew it - they hated how they had to stay together because of her. It was all her fault. She was to blame. The light seemed to mock her in the darkness. Maddie watched as her at age 6 crawled out of bed and threw open the door. Her parents froze for one second staring at her, and then picked right back up again. She threw open her arms trying to separate them.

"STOP!" she yelled. "Daddy, mommy please stop fighting!!" It was no use. These two had hated each other more than they cared for their little daughter.

Maddie resurfaced. She knew that the fights had never been about her and Ian. Her parents were unhappy people. She continued walking and passed an arguing couple. She looked down and saw their little son looking up at his parents. His eyes meet hers and for one brief second Maddie saw the horror and sorrow in his eyes. She felt his pain, but it was not her place to interject.

As Maddie continued down the street she saw how awful it truly was. Garbage, broken bottle, glass shards, empty cans littered the street. The overflowing dumpsers and added to the stench in the air. Graffiti was the prominent art in this neighborhood. She saw little kids playing tag in the street and was briefly cheered. Life couldn't be that bad could it? Surely some people grew up with a strong loving family. But before that happiness became permanent, shouts from one of the homes brought back a memory.

Her parents are fighting again. They're bickering in the kitchen over who has to pay what bill, or who should pay for new shoes for Ian, Maddie's little brother. She somehow knows that she and her younger brother have become pawns in their parents' battle. She hates herself. She is the cause of this. She is 7 now and the fights still continue. If she runs away will they be happy? Her parent's become more angered. Arms are quickly moving in anger, their voices are growing in intensity. Maddie and Ian are frozen to the spot - their pain is apparent on their faces. If only the parents would stop and look.

Maddie shakes off that memory and walks further down the road. When she reaches the end she takes a right and heads toward the park. She hears shouts of her name and quickens her pace. She sees her husband and her daughter playing tag and she smiles. Yes she thinks, there are families out there that truly love each other.

The Past

She walked into her old bedroom and looked around. It was funny, she mused. The walls were still the same shade of soft pink that made you think of pink lemonade, and the floor was still the same - but the room was not. She stood in the doorway unsure if she should walk in. It was no longer hers, all her things had been ruthlessly put in boxes or thrown out. She herself wasn't there for the packing of her things - but still they could have cared a little. Right?

She hesitantly took a step into the room. There was so much clutter everywhere and it wasn't hers. Boxes half-full, completely empty, or totally full were stacked haphazardly against the dresser. She looked to the wall that was with the door and noticed the the desk had been moved. All her pictures or posters had been torn down. She made her way across the room to the bookshelf and scanned it's contents. She noticed that her books and school work were missing. They were either packed or tossed. Tossed she thought more likely.

It hurt to be in this room. This used to be hers - and now? Now it was someone else's. The room used to be warm and inviting but now it was so cold. She laughed, cold like the new owner. She made her way to the closet and looked in. Someone else's clothes now lined the closet. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. She didn't like closets. With one last look around the room she sighed. It was such a beautiful room - now it was a disaster. They completely removed any sign that she had once lived in the room. It was a sign, they had completely removed any sign or memory of her. So this is how they wanted to be? Fine. If they didn't want to treat her things with respect then obviously they didn't want to treat her with respect. She grabbed her only box of things and left. Her heart ached as she closed the door to her old bedroom.

Untitled 3

His eyes are a rare shape of pale green - almost like jade. She feels herself begin to return the smile in his eyes. For a moment she forgets that she is on the run, and begins to unwind. An odd image of them running through a field plays in her mind. "Could this be him? Grandma did say I could find him in a old forgotten world." The door slams closed behind them making her turn. Her heart begins to beat rapidly, but when the man turns around she calms down.

"Hey, what is it? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

"Oh, I just thought I saw my ex-best friend. We're um, in a fight right now."

He didn't believe her but he left it at that. There was something odd about this girl. Her long dark brown hair was dishealved. It looked like she had run through a hurricane. The girls he had seen around most certainly not wear that particular look. She looked scared, her eyes kept darting around the room - and her body language was at competition with a wound rubber band. Overall she had a nice appearance. The dark hair was a wonderful contrast to her pale skin. His sister Haley would call her an 'ivory', whatever that meant. Her eye, were the prettiest feature to him. They weren't all together green nor were they exactly brown. It's as if those two colors had drawn a barrier and decided to both hold rank. The inner color was a dark brown - like new turned earth after it's rained. The green was like the moss that grew on the bark. It complemented her nicely. Her cheeks were a little red, and that, he supposed was because she had to have been running. There was even a sprinkling of freckles all over her face.

"I didn't get you name, and that's ok. I was just wondering if you'd like to share some hot chocolate with me. Don't let Jack scare you with the coffee facade. We have the BEST hot chocolate in all of the US!"

"Su..su...sure. I'd like that, but I can't stay long. . . I've got to...to....meet my friends."

He knew that again she was lying but there was something important about this girl. He knew he had to keep him with her - he was told that when she came into his life, that her's would be in his hands. That if she was no longer in his care she would cease to exist. He didn't know who "she" was or what the heck his Uncle had been talking about. All he knew was that something clicked with her and he had to make suer it stayed that way.

"Jack! Yo Jackie-poo! There's a change in order! Bring two hot-chocolates to my table!"

"Urh boy you know I don't like dat name. Two chocolates it'll be."

"Thanks Jack! Come, follow me madame and I shall show you ze most wonderful table in all of ze land!"

Ana felt bad for lying to him, but who could she trust? His hand was warm and soft in hers. It fit perfectly.

"You will know Anne my dear, when you have met him."

"Meet who Grandmother? I don't know what your talking about!"

"You will. When you see him, he'll be in an old world forgotten surrounded by past legends. He will have a bodyguard who blends in - but he is yours. Just as you are his. Be always with him - your life depends upon it my dear.

"Grandma! What are you talking about? Why does my life reside with a total stranger! That's so silly!"

"I can't tell you. Your mother knows, but she didn't listen. Your life will be hard now. I've tried, God knows I have. Always be prepared. You never know when you'll get a piece of paper that will change your life. . . Ana. . Ana....

"ANA!! Hello? Ya there?"

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking."

The wonderful table Ace had been describing was set into the back of the room. They had the vantage of seeing who entered and left the cafe. Jack came with their two hot chocolates. Ana graciously accepted her and wrapped her cold fingers around the mug. She lifted the warm mug to her lips and drank down the perfectly temperatured hot chocolate. She closed her eyes and felt the warmth spread, her fingers and toes defrosted and the core of her began to climb in temperature. When she opened her eyes she saw Ace looking at her oddly. She quickly cast her eyes away and began finished her inspection of the cafe. Since they were in the back it would be easier. it was a box and they were in the back left hand side. The entrance was diagonally across them and the bar was on that side too. In fact the bar took up the whole right side. The window paralleled the back wall and had tables right up against the windows. It made it so that dinners could sip of their coffee of drink of choice and people watch. Ana relaxed when she saw that the blinds and been pulled down and titled making it harder for the people outside to see in. That's the last thing she wanted, was Mr. Man In Black to see her and catch her. The booths to the furthest wall looked so comfy! You could tell they were broken in by years of use. The little table candles had been lit and added to the old jazz feel of the cafe.

"My name is Ana by the way. Thank you for suggesting the hot chocolate, it is the best is the US!"

"No problem - you looked like you could use it."

She froze with the drink halfway to her mouth. Was he one of them?

"Wow, take it easy there. I just meant you looked cold, thats all. Listen. I didn't know how to say it or if I should, but like is there an ex-boyfriend trying to hurt you or anything?"

Her heart beat frantically. What could she say? Could she trust him? She only had meet him! But he feels different. There is something about him, and her grandmother did say she'd find him - but is he the him she was speaking of? How could she tell?

She took a deep breath and held it. She couldn't sit here forever. She slowly moved her eyes to his - and there was the answer. Yes, she could trust him.

"I. . . uh. . .it's complicated. I can't really tell you because I don't know if I can trust you, and I don't want you to think I'm crazy."

"You can trust me - I'll get you a sheet with a hundred guys all saying they can trust me. Hey, don't worry 'bout me. I've been on these streets forever - know 'em like the back of my hand."

"Ok, but I did warn you. There is a Man In Black and he's chasing me. I don't know why, all I can tell you is that they want me - and let's just say I won't be let go if they do get me."

It was her! Ace was paralyzed for a minute as he let it sink in. So his Uncle wasn't joking around! He quickly looked around and noticed that Jack was looking in their direction. Jack had known Ace's true identity all along - that Ace wasn't some street kid with no parents. Ace gave a unnoticeable nod and Jack went into the back.

"I knew it. You didn't believe me. I should not have told you. I have to leave. Thanks again."

"No! I was just thinking, he come on. Cut me some slack will ya? Gee! Don't go. Have some dinner with me I know this great food joint"

And stood there like an idiot. She knew she could trust him, but that didn't mean that she could completely let her guard down and besides she was pretty hungry. She looked at Ace, and found that he was looking at her. He wasn't looking at her like all the other guys did - with that look of shes-just-a-piece-of-ass look. His look was calculating. He caught her looking at her and averted his eyes but not before she caught the message. It was like a greeting to a fellow friend. He got up and left some money on the table.

"Come on Ana. I know where we can go that will make you double think about how good your grandmother's homemade dinner is."

With a small smile on her face Ana followed Ace out of the door and unto the semi-lit street.

Gibberish for sure

I am going to write my feeling right now. This isn't a story or a happy ending. In fact it's rather sad. I don't know why, but it keeps bothering me. I try to push it out of my mind, ignore it, but I can't. My question of "WHY!!!???!!" echos loudly in the dark.

You see I had a friend when I was a senior and she was a junior in 2005. I had heard rumors about her in school but I chose to ignore them. I would meet her and then decide if the rumors had merit (and they kind of did.) We became good friends (or what I thought) and soon became inseparable. My other 'friends' started to get annoyed with me. That was ok though, because they weren't really my friends at all. Em (name changed) and I would do tons of things together. Movie night, shopping at the mall, talking about boys, life, whatever. We went through a lot. Her family called us lesbians. I am not a lesbian and I have NO problem with gays and lesbians. I didn't understand why. I mean we were only friends and I had a boyfriend *who is now my fiance*. She was going through a rough time (or at least that's what she told me) and I was trying to be the good friend and help her. Well the thing was she betrayed me. She was dating a guy at the time who she hated and I would hear patiently has she complained about him. It was the same story over and over again. But I kept my mouth closed. Not once did I tell her secrets to the world.

But she told mine to everyone. That boy she was dating was in my circle of friends and when we began to fight she took it public. You see, I told her she was treating me like a horrible friend and that I didn't like how she would hurt me. Instead of growing up she decided to fight. I would try to talk to her to her face but she kept taking our fight on line to Myspace, or Facebook, and even Gmail. When I'd call she'd txt me back. Never could we talk in person like I wanted to. I still have the old Facebook messages.

I didn't talk to her for a year. I watched and heard what she said about me to the people I knew and was friends with first. I heard what she'd say about me and it hurt. I wouldn't say anything back. I took the lonely high road. This was someone I trusted! She was like a sister to me. I still hurt now, I didn't even do anything wrong. She later confesses that I was right all along - she was being a selfish friend. I didn't want to fight. I just wanted her to see how she was hurting me. After the year had passed I decided to amend fences. I had gotten over her past transgressions. I didn't really care anymore. So we started to talk again - and it felt like the good ol' days but this time I wasn't as naive. She lives in New York state and I live in New Hampshire state. We both went to school together in Virginia. We'd talk about how our lives had changed since we fist meet in September 2005. My fiance and I drove the 5 hrs to visit her in New York State. It was November 2008 and we were in the talks of her coming to visit us in the spring of 09.

I still remember the night before we left, my fiance and I went for a walk. Em had some house quests over (even though we were her house guests) and we wanted to give them some privacy. I told Vince that I felt like Em was holding out on me. She has never really let me in. She mention sometimes how she was having trouble with her fiance and I'd try to help out the best I could. I've always felt that she wishes for what I have. I meet Vince online in 2005 and we've been best friends ever since. As cliched as this sounds - we are soul mates. Em has wanted what I have even if she can't admit it. The months passed by and we'd call and txt every now and then. But suddenly she stopped calling me. She stopped txting me too. It was now April of 09 and I would call her and wait for the call back. It never came. As silly as this sounds - on her Myspace I was her #2 out of 100. One day when I looked I wasn't even there. So this is how she wants to end our "friendship." I called and txted even called her 'fiance' and asked what did I do wrong and could she please just call me back?! I remember saying "You don't even have to talk to me - just send me a letter or a text! Tell me what I did wrong!" But did I do something wrong? To my knowledge the only thing I find to be annoying was how much I hated work and would vent to her. But I'd make sure to ask her about her, and be genuine. She never said she had a problem when we were talking. I just don't know - and that's what bothers me the most. I could care less that she no longer likes me. I just want to know why.

And the other night (August 1, 2009) I got a text from her saying

"I hope everything is going well 4 u. Love you moogie"

What do I say to that? I txted her back asking her to call me on her free time. I just want to talk to her. I won't ask why she's done this to me. I called her today. Do you think she's returned my calls or text message? No. I stand in the dark hurt again. I'm not mad, I am just wounded and hurt. She was my friend and I forgave her - and she hurt me again. Why?

So if you are reading this - thanks I guess. Maybe you can offer me some advice? Vince and I think she was drunk when she texted me. She's become a hard core drinker something I don't wish for her. I don't know - but I do know I hurt inside. She was a friend - someone I liked talking to. And now she's done this. Thanks for reading. That's all.